A report by the UK Environment Agency has confirmed that the Mayor of London Sadiq Khan is the most dangerous source of harmful emissions and environmental pollution in the Capital.
The news comes after the Mayor has discussed a number of policies to ban diesel vehicles and wood-burning fires in London in an attempt to improve air quality.
A representative of the government agency that was behind the report told us that there is now clear evidence to show that the whole in the ozone layer above London gets wider and wider every time he opens his mouth.
He added: ‘Every time Sadiq Khan makes a statement to the media, we access the latest live satellite imagery that monitors the condition of London’s ozone later in real time, and on every single occasion we notice a clear movement in the outer boundaries of it.’
‘For example, as soon as he stood up the other day and said that he wanted to ban wood-burning fires in an attempt to reduce London’s carbon emissions, we saw the whole growing in front of our very eyes.’
‘The hole even expands when he talks about other issues, and the most worrying factor here is that the average temperature in London has increased by one degree Celsius every three months since he came to office in May 2016.’
‘If he carries on making these wild statements at such an alarming, London could be hotter than Death Valley in California before the end of his time in office.’
We asked the author of the report what could possibly be done to fight against this problem.
He said: ‘We are developing a catalytic convertor that he could wear like a sort of nosebag. This would allow him to continue posturing about all issues in London, environmental or otherwise, without the added fear of turning London into a bigger greenhouse than Kew Gardens.’
Let us know what you think at email@example.com – we are always interested to hear your views and you may even get featured in your own blog post, whether or not you are passionate about Brexit.