Public urged to shelter under Tony Blair’s ego after government issue RED WEATHER ALERT

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Members of the general public have been warned to take shelter under Tony Blair’s ego after weather alerts were upgraded to RED across the United Kingdom.

With some parts of Scotland, the South West and Wales due to be hit with high winds and dangerous levels of snow, a spokesperson for Public Health England has said that anyone in these areas should find Tony Blair immediately and seek shelter under his vastly exaggerated sense of self-importance.

He added, ‘We are concerned that space underneath that giant mega ego could be at a premium, and so if it looks like it is full up at any point members of the public should just congratulate him for his six-month spell as President of the European Council.’

‘Just tell him that he managed to bring about amazing levels of reform during his spell in charge, even though everyone knows that it is utter bollocks.’

‘Alternatively, just whisper soothing words in his air about him still being a relevant force in politics.’

‘If enough people big him up in person, his ego could shelter everyone from Penzance to Bristol and beyond.’

At the time of going to press, it has been reported that space is already beginning to run out, and worried people in Scotland have been advised to seek refuge underneath Nicola Sturgeon’s sense of nationalist delusion.

This has been steadily growing since 1pm on Thursday afternoon after a number of people lined up to tell her that the referendum was ‘wrong’ and that there is still a huge appetite for Scottish independence.

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